BLAME

FB_IMG_15385444680301205*BLAME*

Madam we assure you that she will be fine. The tests results should be out soonest, by the way, the other results shows no sign of malaria meanwhile we have to carry out a pregnancy test on her…

Preg what? Eh Doctor, isi preg what?

You must be joking. It is my small Dera we are talking about here oh! small Dera.
She is only fourteen as I raised my fingers in the air demonstrating the number *”14″* in a bid to emphasize the young age I was referring to and the enormity of his statement.

Dr Okoro smiled revealing a set of white sparkling teeth,for they were beautiful, as he continued…

Mrs Obasi we can’t just assume we know these youngsters in totality.
They are in a very hyperactive, sensitive stage. This is their prime age whereby they want to explore everything about life, especially sex.
They are extremely inquisitive and sensitive to their own existence and will definitely want to try out things, find out why their bodies functions the way it does and might encounter strong sexual desires and feelings, that is why it is extremely important to educate them thoroughly about all these on time, telling them the consequences that comes alongside wanting to explore, the strengths and weaknesses of maturing, expectations and most importantly making them find a true confidant in us -adults.

Mrs Obasi as much as we do not pray for the worst we must prepare for and expect it as this entails life.
Besides, I don’t think pregnancy is the worst, how about STDs and even HIV.
Meanwhile we have to discharge her to go, she needs all the rest she can get anyway.
I sat there with my eyes transfixed on Dr Okoro who has been our family doctor for ages. From his looks one could guess he is in his mid-fifties.

All along my left hand clutched at my head and the other covering my mouth in an attempt to “sush” him and stop him from spewing out what I considered an abomination.

Ah! Dera you’ve killed me.
Ah! You’ve finished me!
Inukwa!

My enemies have finally gotten at me.
Ewo! What will I do? Where will I go from here?
Abomination!
Chimooo ooo! Hei! Aru!

There must be a curse somewhere. Who have I offended again?
As I wept uncontrollably.
Dera was kneeling the whole while, crying profusely.
That fateful evening, I had just returned from the market from shopping for some groceries when Buchi my son ran up to me immediately I got out of the car.
He looked petrified.

Mommy welcome. Nno

Eh! Thank you.

Please get those plastic bags from the trunk, take them into the kitchen… By the way where is your sister?

He hesitated…

Buchi is it not you I am talking to?
In fact what is with that look on your face? Or did you swallow a tortoise?

Mommy Dera is not well, she has been bleeding…

Blee… what?

As I hurried inside without waiting for his response.

Dera! Dera! Chai! Ada maramma!

I rushed into her room as she laid on the tiles pale and exhausted.

Nwam, my own, tell your mother what the problem is. What is it?

Here we are, talking about me having a grandchild from a small child who knows nothing about motherhood.
Oya talk before I kill you with my bare hands.
I didn’t bring shame to my mother you won’t bring shame to me.
I didn’t kill my mother, you won’t kill me.
Talk before I kill you myself, skin you alive and make up stories telling your father that you died in an accident when he returns from his journey.
As far as I know, these children do not go anywhere else except school and even when we attend Sunday Morning Mass, my eyes never goes off them. I don’t let them associate with other children after all they said bad company corrupt good manners.
I wasn’t sure about the other children in church and how they were raised.
My kids are my responsibility and their father and I work our ass off to make sure we provide them with the best of life.
So many thoughts clouded my mind.

Could it be Abdul the gateman?

I will surely kill him if he by any chance plays dirty with my only daughter.
Or could it be…

Talk Dera!

Tell me how it all started.
Mommy I am truly sorry she said amidst sobs.
I know I have brought shame on you and Daddy but I did not know…

You did not know what? Eh Dera.
See eh, let me tell you, you have not made any single sense at all inugo.
I bu onye nzuzu, Iwatago.
Mommy she continued.
Biko ebezina ewela iwe
Odim nwute

It all started two years ago…

Ah! nau!
Can’t you knock before entering the bathroom?

I am sorry. My bathing soap finished and I want to borrow yours.
Are you not my baby sister again?
Small girl.
I even bathed you when you were a baby.
After all I am two years older than you are.
Buchi chirped smiling.
Eh! I know I will hear that for the rest of my life. Abeg take it and go.
I was having my bath too.
He took it but playfully spanked my buttocks before he dashed off because I threatened to pour water on him.
But that spank made a tingling sensation in me. I felt funny.
Two days later…
Buchi, have you watched that new movie *”Game of Thrones”?* I collected it from Sonia in church few days ago.

We had just finished the first season when Buchi smiled at me mischievously…
Dera you are really pretty.

You know I saw everything the other day – your curves, boobs…as his hands was freely sliding through my bare skin from my thighs all the way up.
I felt cold shivers on my body and quivered. It felt good.

That same day he went into me, defiling my innocence.

Ever since, we do it almost every week.

He will say if he doesn’t touch me he will explode and die because that’s what his friends at school said.
That his waist is full and Mommy I don’t want Buchi to die. He is my only brother as she broke down sobbing uncontrollably.

I dropped on the floor in awe. I could not say a word for what seemed like eternity.
I pray this is a dream because I am about to kill myself and these little devils I call children.

Incest in my house?
Under my nose?

No wonder they never had the regular brother -sister friction and fights?

No wonder they were funnily too attached to each other and here I was thinking it was mere siblings attraction, love and protection.

No wonder they both insist on spending some nights together all in a camouflage of reading.
As my heart raced and panted widely.

Oh! I can recall that night I was hearing funny whispers and sounds from Buchi’s room at about 11pm and their father had waved it aside saying I should be happy they get along very well with each other.
But who would have ever expected that this could ever happen between blood siblings.
I am as dumbfounded and amazed as you are.

I feel like I’ve failed in my responsibilities as a parent. I have indeed trivialised the relevance of sex education from the most tender age.

It just dawned on me that I have never really sat my own Ada maramma to teach her about her body and it’s functions neither have their father done same to Buchi.

Yes, I have been all over protective from the outside but from within the Devil has pitched his tent or maybe for once I should blame myself not the devil for my ignorance and nonchalant attitude have taken a better part of me.
I have made a mockery of myself for the Devil is just some being we all always blame for our mistakes and faults because we are too unwilling to shoulder the cost and consequences of our mistakes and take responsibility for them because it’s easier to be a coward.

Mommy, Mommy, wake up! It’s 12am already.
Turn off the TV.
I heard the noise from upstairs.

Eh! Chukwudera! I grasped at my 12year old daughter, frightened, as I was relieved it was only a dream.

Nnem, I have something very important to discuss with you.
In fact let the lectures begin NOW!

©Nelson Ella

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